I should not be up this late…I know I will regret it. But I
just could not imagine shutting down for a bit for surgery without a word or
two about the past few days which although have been tiring, challenging and
emotional have been more rewarding than anything else.
Fretting almost frantically that I was ill prepared for this
weeks big undertaking, I decided to press on best I could with a different plan
in mind: what was important to me. Not
the constant upkeep of the house, the food shopping or getting all my “ducks in
a row” so to speak…but to just do what I needed to do. After all my last blog was about the fact that I had
been feeling extremely anxious and ill at ease because of this. So be it.
But it is strange how what you really seek can come
about in unexpected packages.
Last week, a simple post on my friends Facebook Timeline
alerted the community of artists here in the LA area connected to her that a
family was desperately in need because their child has a life threatening and
rare health condition, and current insurance conditions are not available or
adequate. Although the website posted by the family tells their heartbreaking
story (they have sadly already lost one precious child to this type of illness,
an unfortunate experience I can identify with) with opportunities to donate money
directly, that was not the idea here. A selfless friend, already experiencing
her own big-life issues (her mother was expected to pass away this week and her
father very ill as well) had quickly organized an art show for artists to
create artwork or donate existing artwork for an auction to see if money could
be raised to help the family. It was like striking a match to hay.
Within just 48 hours I saw this post take hold as people
dropped everything and went to work creating art or digging through their
existing collections and portfolios for something worthy of the cause. I saw
myself as my friends posted my friends post. And not long after, that art
started to appear. People scanned what they had did, or had done, and posted it
to their pages. Inspired, I went to work on my own. My new thing lately is-just
create it. It does not have to be perfect, just go for it. So Sunday afternoon,
after catching up on my sleep from another event in which I participated to
raise money for the museum my husband works for, I came up with a little piece
to donate to the show. My mother also donated one of her past beautiful works
and my cousin sent three original pottery pieces she created perfectly boxed
and shipped faster than I had even expected. And one of my favorite parts of
this little adventure is it brought an old friend back into my life I had gone
to high school with and worked with during college. We chatted for an hour
catching up whilst making arrangements to get her piece here and talked about
that there had to be a bigger reason this little boy is was very ill had
brought so many people together. The next day my two close friends and their
children got together with me so I could transfer all the artwork to them for
the auction and accompany me to visit the grave of my daughter at the cemetery
with beautiful flowers and Easter trinkets. I, along with one of my friends,
had a screaming migraine during all of this, but somehow we managed as usual to
ignore the “background noise” and be as present as possible. At the end of a
long day with little sleep and a lot of pain, I was filled with nothing but
gratitude for my family and friends love, my health, and my life in general.
As I folded laundry tonight anticipating a week or more of
needing clean and comfortable sweats and pajamas for the initial recovery, I thought, wow. I am standing
here folding laundry. I was able to get something I enjoyed doing in my studio
this week. I just had a great dinner with my Mom and husband and my father and step
mom visit tomorrow to help take care of me. My friends cared and loved me
enough to be sure I was not alone (since my husband had to work) to visit my
precious daughter at the cemetery as they always have. That I had a great lunch
out with them and my Godson and the other children laughing and having a good
time. That I am HERE. That I will be ok. And I might grumble and complain, but
I am HERE. It hit me again how lucky I am.
So if I am lucky enough to be writing this right now then I
can try, in even the smallest way, to change something. Maybe not just myself,
but the lives of others, for good. My long lost high school friend said my
posts had been very inspiring to people I did not even know. I was very touched
and encouraged by this. And now I will get to the point…(hey, cut me some slack
here, it is late, and this is not the New York Times or anything like that!)
The chiropractor I work for a few days a week always has me put a
new quote up on the dry erase board each month to inspire patients. Today’s
quote: "If you don't like something, change it: if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." from artist Mary Engelbreit. Interestingly enough, this same quote was shared this evening on Facebook by cancer survivor and blogger from The Silver Pen:
Dr. Angelou's might be slightly different, but it is all the same. And I take this as a sign. Change the way I think about stuff I cannot change. I do not like the fact that I have to go back into surgery
this Friday and do the whole process over again. As a matter of fact I have
been downright selfish about it moaning and complaining to my husband and
family and select friends that I just dread it. That I hate that my life is
getting interrupted again with days on end of healing and not being able to do
much- not to mention having to rely on others for help. That all over again, it
will leave me tired and out of shape and behind in all I want to do and
accomplish in the face of Fibromyalgia. That I am so incredibly exhausted I feel like I have barely recovered from the last ordeal. But I also do not like the fact that we
live in a country where an innocent child has to suffer because he or she has health
issues that are out of financial reach. But you cannot fight city hall or the attitudes of those in this country who feel health care is a privilege. In the meantime, I can change the way I think
about things like this. I can try to participate in helping the situation. I
can change the way I think about my surgery this week because I am far luckier
that is all I have to worry about when this child and this family times
millions the world over, have way bigger and scarier life threatening things to
deal with than I do. I often call this “getting out of yourself.” When my fibro
allows me, it can be very liberating.
I am not minimizing what us spoonies go through on a daily
basis. We can only do what we can do sometimes. We are not always able to get out and help others because our health simply will not allow it. But the times that we can do it? WATCH
OUT!!
My very best to the Adam’s Family and although I will not be
able to participate in the auction tomorrow night, I will be there in spirit,
hoping every piece sells and provides some relief for them. And perhaps,
it is just a start.
If you happen to be in the LA area, and you want to browse the amazing talented art of animation as well as other artists with good company, food and drink on Thursday April 5th, here is the information:
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